take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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