dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
