i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
