Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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