DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
