your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
