Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
