the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
