My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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