we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
