Plan B is the new Plan A
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I have feelings that need drinking.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
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