Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
