He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
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