So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
