Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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