he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
