I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
