I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
she told me i tasted like america
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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