my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
