i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I understand Curling. That high.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
