Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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