I got chris browned last night
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
