mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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