I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
