I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I cut my penus on the lid.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
