It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
