He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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