He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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