Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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