my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
