I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
