I think I won the penis lottery.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
