Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
if i died would you start the facebook group?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
