Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
