some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
