i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
