Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
