So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
