3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
