So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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