OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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