Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
