You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
