im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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