i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
