girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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