I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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