He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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