so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
