at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
