i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
