Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
