I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
