Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
