Kiss
Puke
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
