That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
