my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He keeps bees of course he's weird
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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