Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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