I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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