He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
