He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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