Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
