I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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