im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
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