community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
