Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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