he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
